| Act
IV. "Double, Double, Toil and Trouble” |
|
Scene 1
CHURCH and ROMEO.
ROMEO (SR) enters.
|
| Romeo: |
A new day
has washed away the night’s confusion and all sis born anew – save
for my wretched soul. My father has sent word that I must here await
his pleasure. ’Tis well he does, for I would ask him many things. |
| CHURCH
(SR) enters. Must have locket #1. |
| Romeo: |
Father… |
| Church: |
Silence, my
boy. Not so loud. Thy words do thunder in my skull like a cannon.
I was kept awake long past my bedtime by the raucous antics of the
pirates. |
| Romeo: |
It is the
pirates about which I wish to speak. |
| Church: |
Then thou
hast seen Captain Dredd. |
| Romeo:
|
How could
I not? |
| Church: |
Thou dost
suspect the secret shame that I have guarded for these many years?
|
| Romeo: |
Suspect?
|
| Church: |
I did not
wish to keep thee in the dark, I did only wish to protect thee.
|
| Romeo: |
Protect me?
How could… |
| Church: |
I can protect
thee no longer. |
| Romeo:
|
Father, I
will… |
| Church: |
Here take
this. (hands ROMEO the locket) Protect it with your life. I cannot
guarantee my own at this time. |
| Romeo: |
What is this?
I would know… |
| Church: |
Spare me
your questions. All will be answered in good time. Now go. |
| Romeo:
|
But father!
|
| Church: |
Go. |
| ROMEO
(SR) exits. |
| CHURCH
(SR) exits. |
Scene
2 PIRATES and the NAVY men.
The PIRATES (SL) and the NAVY (SL) men enter, hand-in-hand. It is
obvious that they have spent some time together – all night. |
| Blake:
|
The air do
smell good in the morn. Do it not? Daybreak is the simple magick
of the world. |
| John: |
Especially
when you stay up all night to greet it. |
| Dick:
|
What now dost
thou think of the pirate’s life? |
Shelley:
|
There are
certain definite advantages. |
| Peter:
|
Oh, I’m sure
there are joys of being in the navy. |
| Byron: |
In the navy
– no, I don’t think we’ll tread that path. |
Scene
3 JULIET, PIRATES and the NAVY men.
JULIET (SR) enters. She storms across the stage. |
| Juliet: |
My, aren’t
we all a little cozy this morning? |
| Dick: |
Good morrow
to you, Miss Juliet. |
| Juliet:
|
Talk not
to me, sir. I have long known of you wanton ways with the men that
you capture, but now you seduce innocents. |
| Shelley:
|
’Twere nothing
like that at all. We… |
| Juliet: |
I had thought
ye Navy men to be trusty. But now I see that men are all alike.
|
| Keats:
|
No, fair lady.
Some men are quite different, I can assure you from recent personal
experience. |
| The
NAVY twiters. |
| Juliet: |
Just the
kind of lusty comment a man would make. I suppose now that you’ve
had a taste of buried treasure, you’ll be trailing after me. |
| Byron:
|
No, Miss Juliet.
We have no taste for the likes of you. |
| Juliet: |
I no longer
feel safe aboard this ship. I shall demand that my father expel
you at once. |
| JULIET
(SL) exits, as angry as when she entered. |
| Dick: |
Come along
men. There is work to be done. |
| All: |
Ahh… |
| All
exit (SR). JULIETTE, DICK, LONG JOHN costume change! |
Scene
4 DREDD, and ETHEL.
ETHEL (SL) and DREDD (SR) enter from opposite sides of the |
| Ethel: |
Father, a
word. |
| Dredd: |
Ye remind
me so much of yer mother… I fear losing you as I did her. |
| Ethel: |
You seldom
speak of mother. |
| Dredd: |
This locket
did bring her back to mind. |
| DREDD
shows ETHEL the locket. |
| Dredd:
|
’Twas a token
of me love for her. ’Tis only fittin’ that I give it to thee. And
thou, in turn, must give it only to the one thou dost love. |
| Ethel: |
But wait,
Father… what about…? |
| DREDD
exits before she can finish her question. |
Scene
5 ETHEL and ROMEO.
Speaking of ROMEO (SR), he enters. |
| Romeo: |
Good morrow
to thee… sister. |
| Ethel:
|
Good morrow
to thee… brother. |
| Romeo:
|
The sun is
bright today. |
| Ethel: |
Verily. And
the clouds be few and fluffy. |
| Romeo: |
How true.
|
| A
beat. Then, almost simultaneously: |
| Romeo: |
Look I… |
| Ethel: |
I think…
Pardon. |
| Romeo: |
Prithee continue.
|
| Ethel:
|
No. Thou goest
first. |
| Ethel:
|
It seems to
me… |
| Romeo: |
Yes? |
| Ethel: |
Nothing.
|
| Romeo: |
(deliberately)
It seems to me, also. |
| Ethel: |
Yes? |
| Romeo: |
Yes? |
| Ethel: |
It seems
to me that just because we be brother and sister… Well, we can be
civil… one to another. |
| Romeo: |
Indeed. Civility
should be our watchword. |
| Ethel: |
(with some
difficulty) And… |
| Romeo: |
And? |
| Ethel:
|
And familial
affection. |
| Romeo:
|
Affection.
|
| Ethel: |
Familial
affection. |
| Romeo:
|
Hmmmm…. |
| Ethel: |
Hmmmm… A
doubloon for thy thoughts. |
| She
hands ROMEO a chocolate doubloon. |
| Romeo: |
(laughing)
How extravagant. On land they fetch merely a penny. |
| Ethel:
|
I feel not
cheated: thy thoughts. |
| Romeo: |
I was thinking
about plans… and wishes. |
| Ethel: |
Plans. |
| Romeo: |
And wishes. |
| SONG:
Duet
As Lovers Do
|
| Ethel: |
I wish that…
Damnation! Before yesterday, I knew thee not. By evensong… by evensong
we were about to know each other well. Then, based on a chance meeting
we discover that we are siblings. What be the good of being a pirate
if ye cannot flaunt civilisation’s rules. Here. This be thine, (hands
Romeo the locket) by our father’s own command. |
| ETHEL
positions herself to be kissed and ROMEO moves closer but is confused. |
| Romeo:
|
But… I… I
mean… |
| Ethel:
|
(with
great exasperation) Thou art right. Even we, who live as free
spirits, cannot defy God’s laws. |
| Romeo: |
But… |
Scene
6 ROMEO, ETHEL, and the GHOST.
The GHOST (SL) enters; has locket #3, sock puppets. |
| Ghost: |
This be getting
ridiculous. |
| Ethel: |
Who are you? |
| Romeo:
|
Thou knowest
me. I am Romeo, son of… |
| Ethel: |
Not thee.
Her. Yon pale woman. |
| Romeo:
|
What pale
woman? |
| Ethel: |
She be right
over there. Be ye blind? |
| Romeo: |
Oh no, God
has driven thee mad for thy sins. |
| Ghost: |
He can’t
see me. I come only for thee. |
| Romeo: |
Ethel? Ethel?
Canst thou hear me, dearest Ethel? |
| Ethel:
|
Once again,
who are you? |
| Ghost:
|
Ethel… I
am your mother (I’ve always wanted to say that). |
| Ethel: |
Mother? |
| Ghost:
|
Sure, now
you recognise me. |
| Romeo: |
Come with
me, Ethel. Mayhap I can get the ship’s physician to bleed you and
restore thy humours. |
| Ghost: |
Allow me
to cease these interruptions. There are three witches scheduled
to prophesy to the boy. “I summon unto me weird sisters three. Phoebe,
Piper and Prue, move your asses, do!” |
Scene
7 ROMEO, ETHEL, the GHOST, the WITCHES.
PRUE, PIPER, and PHOEBE (SR) enter. PRUE has locket #4. |
| Phoebe: |
Oh my God!
This is the weirdest one yet. |
| Prue: |
Judging by
the dress we’re in the late 16th, early 17th century. Elizabethan,
right? |
| Ghost: |
If ye be
done sight-seeing, you have a client. |
| Romeo: |
Who are these
women? Is this the pale woman you see? |
| PHOEBE
reaches out and touches ROMEO. |
| Phoebe: |
The force
is strong in this one. |
| Piper: |
You always
say that. |
| Phoebe: |
And it’s
always funny. |
Scene
8 ETHEL and the GHOST.
The WITCHES move ROMEO off to up stage right while ETHEL deals with
the GHOST. |
| Ethel: |
Forgive me,
mother, I did recognise thee not. Thou did die when I was still
nursing… Oh… Was I to blame? Didst thou die in childbirth? Father
never told me… |
| Ghost: |
Nah. ’Twere
a routine plague. Happens all the time. |
| Ethel: |
Then why
dost thou haunt me? |
| Ghost:
|
Haunt? You
call this haunting? Thou shouldst see me with thy sister. Now that’s
haunting. |
| Ethel: |
Then why
not go and haunt her for a while? |
| Ghost: |
There is
some spirit in thee. Good. Child, thou art about to make a terrible
mistake. |
| Ethel: |
I know, mother.
God forgive my sin, but I love him… |
| Ghost: |
’Tis worst
than I thought. |
| Ethel: |
I don’t care
if he is my brother… |
| Ghost:
|
Your brother?
Child, thou dost overlook the obvious to concoct some wild idea.
Allow me to tell thee a story, a story about two brothers – identical
twin brothers – both of whom sought a life on the sea. One was apprenticed,
as he was ought, to a dashing crew of pirates. Unfortunately, due
to a stupid domestic, the other to a boring civil service job with
a Royal Navy pilot. I’m sure the similarity of these two nautical
terms will cause great confusion for hundreds of years to come. |
| Ethel:
|
And that be
Captain Church… |
| Ghost:
|
Romeo’s father. |
| Ethel: |
And Captain
Dredd… |
| Ghost:
|
Thy father,
my husband. |
| Ethel:
|
So, we be
not brother and sister, but instead… |
| Ghost: |
That’s right:
first cousins. |
| Ethel: |
First cousins.
That be hardly better. We are still related. |
| Ghost: |
There be
a world of difference between marrying thy brother and marrying
thy cousin. Mortal sin versus mild perversion. In fact, marriage
between cousins is required for the royal family of Europe. Consider
it as keeping up with the Hapsburgs. |
| Ethel: |
First cousins.
Be it not still a sin? |
| Ghost: |
A venal one.
’Tis not eternal damnation – ’tis maybe a few days in purgatory.
At most a week. |
| Ethel:
|
Thank you,
mother. |
| Ghost:
|
Now be quiet
while I tell thee truly what thou truly needs to know. |
| Scene
9 ROMEO and the WITCHES (PRUE, PIPER, and PHOEBE). |
| Prue: |
Where before
did meet we three? On Showtime, Fox, or W. B.? |
| Piper:
|
Buffy’s network,
we’re on when Dawson’s Creek begins to dim. |
| Phoebe: |
Wednesday
night at nine P.M. |
| Prue:
|
Who do we
be? |
| Phoebe:
|
You, you and
me. |
| Piper: |
Power of
Three. |
| Witches:
|
Some say that
witches evil be. And those that do can go to hell. So say the sisters
Halliwell. |
| Romeo:
|
You must be
witches. I understood not a word of your mystical speech. |
| Phoebe:
|
Whassamatter?
Can’t you read the script? |
| Romeo: |
There’s a
script for this? |
| Witches:
|
We’ll explain
it to you later. |
| Piper: |
Hold out
your hand and let Phoebe touch you. That’s how she can see the future.
Well, your future, our past. |
| PHOEBE
takes ROMEO’s hand. She holds it tightly. As she speaks she begins
touching more and more of ROMEO. |
| Phoebe: |
I think I’m
getting it. Yes. This is it. Oh, yes. Yes. This is very nice. |
| Prue: |
Back to business. |
| Phoebe:
|
Prue, you
are no fun at all. I liked you better when you were in Beverly Hills. |
| Piper: |
Phoebs: the
prophecy! |
| SONG:
Contradiction Predictions |
| Phoebe: |
Oh, and you’ll
be Thane of Cawdor! |
| Romeo:
|
In Scotland? |
| Phoebe:
|
Oh. Sorry.
That was for somebody else. |
| Prue: |
Here. Take
this locket. We’ve magicked it. |
| Phoebe: |
It’s charmed. |
| Piper: |
Very funny. |
| Romeo:
|
But I already
have a locket! Two of them. |
| Prue:
|
A word of
advice: Be careful what you wish for! |
Scene 10 ETHEL, GHOST, ROMEO, and the WITCHES.
The GHOST walks over to the WITCHES. |
| Ghost: |
Come girls.
’Tis time to go. |
| Phoebe: |
But I have
so many questions. I was taking this English lit class and I… |
| Ghost:
|
Your questions
and theirs must wait for the fullness of time. One thing more. |
| GHOST
hands ETHEL a locket. |
| Ethel:
|
Your locket.
But I have... |
| Ghost:
|
This be my
real locket. The other is part of some strange plan of the queen’s.
Get me started not on the queen. Farewell. |
| The
WITCHES (SR) and the GHOST (SR) exit. WITCHES have a costume change. |
Scene
11 ROMEO and ETHEL.
ROMEO and ETHEL stare in wonderment after their exiting visitors.
|
| Romeo:
|
Did these
visions there appear, or have we only slumber’d here? |
| Ethel: |
(after
much thought) B. |
| Romeo: |
But look,
I have a locket. |
| Ethel:
|
As do I. |
| They
each show their two lockets each to each other, but the lockets
become intertwined and ROMEO and ETHEL must struggle to extricate
them during this next speech. |
| Romeo: |
And if we
take their words for truth. |
| Ethel: |
We are only
cousins. |
| Romeo:
|
Which means… |
Scene
12 ROMEO, ETHEL, and NAVY men.
He leans toward her to kiss her and the NAVY (SR) men run on stage.
|
| Blake: |
See, I told
you lads. That be the Brass Monkey. ’Tis the admiral’s ship. |
| Shelley: |
Oooh. The
admiral is coming here. I’m so excited. |
| Keats: |
You have
never met the admiral, have you? |
| Blake: |
I do hear
that Admiral Benn’s wrath is fierce indeed. He once said the “d”
word to a man. Right to his face! |
| Shelley: |
I don’t think
my heart can stand it. |
| Byron: |
We better
prepare this ship for his arrival. |
| Shelley:
|
You too, Romeo.
Come along. |
| Exuent
omnes (SR) |
Act I
Act II
